STFU Already.

Okay so listen to this:
I was sitting on a bench today by myself during fourth period and I was playing a game on my iPad. This guy named Deiji walks by with some girl and when he sees me he starts talking a bunch of shit blah blah blah."Look at her, she thinks she's so cool. She doesn't even have friends, no one likes her..."

Anyway, he doesn't like me anymore because I supposedly chose some other guy over him which is a really dumb reason because I had no interest in him whatsoever. So at first he started becoming really possessive and clingy, and one day he comes up to me and says "Mandy, we need to talk. Now."
So I was thinking to myself What the hell? I'm not your girlfriend. But being the nice person that I am, I ended up saying "Not now Deiji. I have to do my homework."
And then he said "Wow, alright Mandy. Well this is goodbye...forever...I mean it this time."
Uhh okay?? Weird.

Okay, back to my point.
I'm not bothered by him, but I told my mom anyway and she just told me to stay away from him, that he's weird, whatever, all that mom stuff.
I guess she told my dad about what happened, because he came in to my room and said "Dont worry about that guy. People are just jealous because you're pretty and you have things...Want me to tell him something? I'll drive by him at your school...You get five points for hitting a black person."
Hahaha omg. My dads cool.

Suicidal

I'm obsessed with falling.
Everytime I see a building, cliff, or tall tree I imagine to myself what it would be like to fall off it. I'm not interested in dying or anything, just the feeling of anticipation and fear to know that eventually the peaceful fall is going to come to an end. It all seems so harmless to me, and yet it's so terribly tragic. Sort of ironic, huh?

Undone

Backseats are for lovers...they really are.

Dear Naomi,
What did you mean by "write about something important?" What, to you, is important?
Hmm... My imagination needs to be more productive.



I was writing this thing called Unworthy. I wrote it because my best friend at the time wanted to see what kind of stuff I write. I stopped because he stopped talking to me for some absurd reason. I think he was like my inspiration for Unworthy. He's sort of what kept it going. I really want to finish it and print it out because some of the stories I wrote weren't too bad. I need another inspiration. I need to talk to someone interesting and read some more books.

Dear miserly sir,
How can I be of importance to you? I received your letter in the mail on a Tuesday afternoon right after I got home from work. There was only one envelope sitting at the bottom of my mailbox, I thought to myself that it must be one the mailman had left behind. I reached inside and pulled out the envelope. On it, I saw your name written neatly on the right hand side. "Mr. Carlow," I said to myself, "sounds familiar..."
As I walked towards my house, I thought more in depth about the familiar name sitting on the manila envelope.


I don't feel like finishing that letter...it sounds forced to me.
My brain is fried.

"Wanna see my view of Paris?"
"Okay."
-Hotel Chevalier

Ojareuipjgsiunvdr

As I write this, I sit on the floor in my underwear with my head hung and my iPad in between my legs...Naomi and I were supposed to go out and then she just suddenly went MIA.

I guess I can workout and clean my room. I have company coming over tomorrow to work on a project. I feel like reading tonight. After my jog I'm going to drink something cozy and read On the Road and Frankenstein.

I noticed I've been saying "I feel..." a lot. I read my horoscope and it said that's normal for a cancer.

Today my license came in the mail. I really need to retake the picture.
I also looked at cars. I only liked the VW Jetta and the Mazada 3. All the other cars that I might've liked had cloth seats...I just want to drive already!

Ayo for yayo I gotta checkout.

Unknown.

Mandy. Spelled with a Y. Enriquez. E-N-R-I-Q-U-E-Z.

Well, who are you?
I don't fucking know.

Why does everyone ask that question?
And why is that every time that question is asked it's always answered back with a name? Your name doesn't define who you are.
Just tell the person to find out for themselves. And if they don't have the time to do so, then they can use their imaginations.

I'm so moody, it's ridiculous.


I'm feeling really lonely tonight...
I'm going to write God a prayer.

Dear God,
I'm fine, thanks. Thanks for giving me a friend. I appreciate it.
I know I haven't been to church lately, but that's why I'm writing you. So you can see that I still have some faith...I'll work on my attitude, I promise. Christmas is coming up soon, what should I get Jesus?...Nothing? Oh wow, okay.

P.S
I hope you aren't offended by my collection of Buddhas.



I was just thinking about that night I met Daniel and how he said something about me opening up to him. That's something I never do. I never open up to anyone. So it was weird for me to just talk to this person I just met and tell them a lot about myself. I wonder why I did that. The alcohol isn't really to blame. I've been drunk before and I've never gotten that deep.

Oh, this funny little thing called trust. Thank you Jack for ruining that for me... I would also like to thank Dantes.

What do you do when a friend betrays you?
-nothing. I don't care enough to do anything.
Why not?
-because if they're going to betray me then they obviously aren't important.



I like to obsess over people that I barely know. But I don't let them know that because that'd be really weird. I scare a lot of boys away and I don't know why.



I like writing here. I can vent to no one in particular.



Do you ever think of the world?

Amicus

Donde esta Naomi?
I miss my home girl :(
I feel like she's physically present but mentally she's checked out. I think she misses Santa Ana.

Danielle, my sister, and I are becoming closer. I like being close to my sisters because they're both very nice and they help me out a lot. I'm going to see Brianna this weekend and hang with little Matix. He's going to be two years old next Saturday.

Homecoming...I don't think I'm looking forward to that. I don't like dancing with those boys. If I take Dymond I won't have to worry about dirty little boys grinding on me haha.

I really want to go to Spain.
I'm starting to like my Mexican background. My family is cool.

I've been wanting to go to the arboretum but I don't want to go alone. I need to find someone to take with me so we can look for that cool tree.
"I hate nature, it's so unnatural." Oh Bob Dylan! You're so peculiar.


I confronted my mom about being judgmental yesterday. She wasn't too happy about that.
"If you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all."
My mom used to write me letters in my binder and on my homework so when I'd go to school I would read them and it would make my day a little better. But she hasn't done that recently and I sort of want her to.

I want to join writer's club. Not art club or fashion club.
I only joined those clubs because my friends told me to.
I'm easily peer pressured.
No good...no bueno.

Amorous blues.

I'd love to be with an artist so he could appreciate me for all my curves and lines.
I heard that in a movie once and I really liked it.

I was having a conversation with someone today about relationships and I realized a lot of people aren't serious about each other. I know I'm too young and everything, but I want to fall in love with someone. But the only way I can like someone is if I can potentially see myself marrying them...is that weird?
Actually...I don't think that's weird at all. I just don't want to waste time on someone who is going to fuck around and break my heart. It saddens me that most people don't take love seriously. I think love should be a sort of taboo...people should only say it if they mean it. I know that's a cliche thing to say but it's true. Parents should teach their children the importance of love and how to express their emotions towards someone.

I wish my parents were more affectionate towards one another. Then maybe I'd be more open about public displays of affection. I love when I'm touched and kissed but I'm very hesitant to kiss and touch someone back. In past relationships this has been a big problem but I just can't seem to help it. I've been trying to work on it but it's hard to change when you grow up thinking that you shouldn't be affectionate in public.

My goal is to one day fall in love with someone.
I hate those relationships that only last three months.
I can't expose myself to someone and then just break up. I hate that they carry my secrets and wishes and desires with them. Perhaps they're nice enough to not say anything, but you never
know.
If I get into a relationship with someone it has to be for real. One hundred percent.
I only like to please and make sure my boyfriend is happy. I'm not really insecure or anything but if I need to change I will...that probably isn't a good thing but I think I'd do anything to try to make the relationship last. Unless, of course, it's completely clear that we just aren't compatible together.



Hmm, it's funny how this topic came about. I write too much.

Feliz

This is literally what's going through my mind:



I think I'm too happy to think haha.

Began to begin

What once was Earth, soon was purgatory, later to be known as hell.
I've been slowly letting myself go into the depths of solitude.
Frolicking in the hungry flames of an angry meadow,
Picking coal for a God that is inconspicuous.
I hold hands with a man that has stained my hands with sin...

I'm thinking of thinking,
Dreaming to dream,
Planning to plan.
Those are my new hobbies that I have began to begin.

In conclusion to the factors that you are female, you will never be able to achieve your life's goals. I appreciate your audacity but as your doctor, I suggest that you take interest in other subjects such as knitting, cooking, and house cleaning... You know, just to be safe.

"Just because you're pretty doesn't mean people are going to like you."
"I know."


I met someone over the weekend. He is very kind and is honest with his words. I've taken a great interest in him...in the things he says. He's good people.
"If we're all made of the same thing then shouldn't we all like each other?" -D. Garcia

El sol

The sun is a primary cause of my headache... I just might drown in terror.
When I write a letter to Joe I know he'll never read it but I still enjoy telling someone about my day. Senior year is going well minus all the homework I've been getting. Naomi and I have been making acquaintances and reconnecting with old friends. We have also been creating relationships with boys that we don't really like. We smoke weed when it's around and laugh at the most stupidest shit. I feel bad though, next year when I leave she isn't going to have anyone to hang out with. I think I'm going to help her make friends with people in her grade so she won't be completely lonely next year. It's kind of funny how we became friends, her and I, it was almost as if we were fated to be together. Ever since the first day of school we've been connected by the hip. We aren't that much alike but we get along pretty well which is good I guess. I'm starting to realize that even though high school may suck, it can still be fun. I think I still have a lot to learn about myself and these people I've spent the last fours years with so I'm going to fuck around as much as possible.

Algebra 2 Blues

Naomi said, "I am so lost!"
Mandy replied, "Get a map."
Naomi scowled.

Naomi asked, "May I go to the bathroom?"
"Sure," said the teacher

<12 minutes later>

Naomi shows Mandy a new schedule and says, "I'm out of here bitch!"

Spoon full of lust

I've gotten engaged to a handsome man with aquatic eyes and chocolate tresses.

Honey

The best thing you can see in a human lifetime is your name written in the clouds.

What a while it's been

I count my minutes as the hour goes by.
Grab your watch or else I'll steal it;
I was born to be a thief.

My old man never felt sympathy for me.
He just wanted a friend like I want a lover.

No one is important.
No one is famous,
Just well-known.

Morning misery you are so gay
Coming in at late summer
When I've began to be lazy
I wish you'd go away
Oh, this morning glory
I mourn your absence
When you left in the winter
I was in a lonely state of arrogance.

I smoke weed because I enjoy the feeling I get when I stare at myself blanky in a wall. I've learned to control the laughter and I erupt with chatter to make it obvious. My paranoia is something like the Cold War we just left.

Summer is a bummer

Summer rain, I hear you bring great things to our land, so why don't you answer to my prayers?
Oh the pain, I cannot endure much longer; I suffer in my own misery.
I plan to go insane with this lacking amount of water.