Morals

You have to be in love to make love.

Night terror

"I could live off a kiss and cuddle for quite some time"
"I want to meet a girl who wants to be loved by me"
Two very simple desires by a simple man.

I went to a comedy show with Alex. One particular comic seemed to take a great interest in me because he wouldn't stop staring. Then he went on about my eyebrows looking like two angry seagulls about to fuck each other. He also said my eyes were like mermaids ready to do something... I don't know, that man was crazy but very funny. That was a nice Friday night.

So it's raining here in the lovely Southern California, which is pleasant for the natives' crop. But if you live in the city, then it ain't so great.
...What the hell am I talking about?

Tight Pants.

Dear Dream-Killer,
Please remember that I am your daughter and all the criticism that you think is "constructive" is actually rude. Just sayin'.

Thanksgiving

It's been way too long...
I was grounded for butt-dialing my mom. Let's do some catching up, yeah?

1. Taryn messages me saying, "bitch you have it coming." She apologized after and explained that she was just mad and decided to take her anger out on me.

2. Naomi was sort of living with us... And now she's not. My mom grounded her too.

3. Brady became good company

4. Spent my Thanksgiving break going to work with my mom. Anne is such a pain in the ass! Oh my god.

5. Started talking to someone ;) He's macho.

6. Went to a cool cafe in downtown with Naomi, Robert, and Bunny

7. Bought some clothes.

Cool, that's about it. I haven't really much to talk about...

Love affair.

"I'm sorry, I can't hear you over this noise," she shook her head modestly and looked out the window.

I watched her anxiously shift in her pencil skirt; I couldn't help but wonder what she was thinking.

"Nothing, it's not important," I told her. She looked back at me and held my gaze for a moment,I wanted to kiss her. I glanced down at her lips and she immediately looked away.

"Why do you look so sad?" I asked her.

She shrugged her shoulders and said "I'm not sure...I don't know where I'm going."
I found myself to be intrigued by her reply. I felt, though, that if I were to ask her another question she'd become irksome and get off at the next stop. I caught her attention and smiled, then I grabbed her hand and kissed her palm. I could tell I startled her because she pulled her hand away and pushed her fragile body against the seat the in an unbecoming fashion; I found this to be quite disappointing because I had disturbed her beautified nature. She stared at me with wide gaping eyes and said, "Wh-what did you do that for?"

I reached for her hand again, "I'm comforting you, is all. Don't be offended."

I could see her body start to relax, but she wasn't convinced. I knew I needed to think of something charming to say, something more suave, but I couldn't come up with anything. Instead, I reached into my breast pocket for a cigarette. I could feel her eyes following my every move, this amused me, so I took my time reaching for my lighter.

After I lit my cigarette, I released a cloud of smoke from my lungs and watched her face become a foggy blur. I knew it was rude to blow smoke in someones face, but I wanted to see her reaction towards my uncanny behavior. She didn't seem to mind at all; She continued to look out the window and watch the grass pass by in an endless charade. I was amused by her nonchalance, so I decided to do it again, blow smoke in her face. She turned her delicate little body away from me and turned her head in my direction, "Please don't do that again, it isn't polite."

Brief encounter.

Those two days of barely knowing you, I fell in love.
It was a very brief relationship- the shortest I've ever been in and the best I've ever had.
I was in a state of complete bliss running around with you, getting drunk and sharing secrets, kissing your lips, feeling your skin against mine... I wanted all of you for myself. I didn't care about the days to come or if I'd ever see you again. I loved you in that moment and that was all that mattered to me because you made me happy.

It's funny how you just know that someone is right for you, even if it is just for two days.

Zimmerman

Do you ever hate when you can't get someone out of your head?

That beautifully sculpted face can't seem to depart from my thoughts, much less my life. I miss seeing that face everyday, criticizing my every move. I miss those eyes squinting at me from behind black tinted shades, those full lips spitting back statements of false flattery. What a fool that I am for loving someone so bitter; how naive a girl can be for loving a boy she knows nothing about.

I miss his hands touching my back, his eyes staring wonderfully into mine, his mouth moving briskly to keep up with his thoughts. His words, which were so softly spoken, carried with them through the airwaves a sadness that had impacted my sensitive ego. He was so charming in every breath, stride, smile, wink, I wanted all of him to be for me only. He made me selfish and I loathe him for it. I loathe him for making me sad and pushing me away the more I tried to be close to him.

I loathe myself for leaving him for someone who wasn't nearly as beautiful. I loathe myself for letting him go. I envy her for being with the person I miss so deeply. I miss the things we used to do together and I can't stand the thought of her taking my place. I want my love back and I can do nothing about it but watch him love her.

Metamorphisis

It's nothing but a phase.
Don't worry dear, you'll be okay.

Eloquence

When they come, all darkness will fade.
Light will penetrate your foggy eyes
And will reflect back a color you've never seen before.
An illusion, you may think. A dream, definitely not.
Your idea of a reality is a figment of your perverted thoughts.
To you, nothing exists and no one is anyone.
Confusion clouds your mind when pondering about the life you live.
It's too bad all the time you spend alive is time spent dying.


I'm not very ladylike. I say "fuck" too often.
I guess it's okay because I dress myself very modestly.

Someone told me that I'm a literary romantic; how romance is portrayed in books, that's me. It makes sense because I'm heavily influenced by the books I read.
I love the thought of love. I like the thought of romance. I picture myself dating different guys all the time, but I can never take guys seriously because I can never take myself seriously. It's sad, it really is.

Sadness

I have so much to say but I don't know how to verbalize my thoughts. I don't know what to do anymore. I miss so many people and it makes me really sad to think about them. Why do they have to move on? Why can't I move on?

Sunday Funday

I need to stop smoking weed and start studying.
Parents still aren't home.
I'm reading Frankenstein right now and talking to Joe.
Fuck Mondays.

Mischief

My parents are in Vegas this weekend and Naomi and Jon spent the night. Jon is a boy. What the hell?

Busy Bee.

There's so much to do in such little time!

1. AP Psychology test
2. Government test
3. Vocabulary Quiz
4. Journal Entry
5. Literature Log
6. Math homework

F my life.

Statues.

How cool would that be to have something named after you?
I'm not talking about stars or your best friend's children. No, I'm talking about a building or a bench or a swing set.

Hey, let's meet at a park?
Which one?
Mandy's Hill.
Kay.

Hella dank. If you're ever named after something, you know someone really loves you or you're really important.

Rainy day two.

What's today? Wednesday?
Another day off from school and I feel great.

Yeah, I have nothing interesting to say.